Oh hey, I should probably mention that I have a table for the Thought Bubble convention for the 23rd and 24th.
You can find me at table 83 in the New Dock Hall. I’ll be selling nesting dolls, probably, and probably a bunch of other weird stuff. So you should come see me if you happen to be there.
Here’s a real life update that’s rather hard for me to make. I don’t often make posts on my blog that aren’t actually art, but what is a blog for but blogging? Because many of the people in my life who matter to me read this space to keep up-to-date with my art and my goings-on, I feel like I ought to be open about what’s actually going on with me.
First and foremost, I have my master’s degree. Yippee.
In December, once I’ve officially graduated, I’ll be heading back to the USA. It’s not an easy thing for me to do, but I feel like I’ve not been given much of a choice.
In part, it’s because I financially can’t afford to stay in the UK anymore. I’m pretty much entirely bankrupt and living off of the charity of my parents, which is very difficult for me to accept, as I have an awfully prideful disposition. That’s not the whole reason, however.
The truth is, a couple of weeks after my show ended, I’ve been forced to face up to the fact that things have felt wrong for some time now. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure of learning that I’m suffering from clinical depression. I have entirely given up on looking for work and a way to stay in the UK, partly out of exhaustion and partly out of despair. I say it not because it’s a cry for help, because I’m getting that through the NHS for now at least.
It’s more an explanation and an apology than anything else.
Sorry I haven’t called or emailed or been in touch.
Sorry I’ve fallen off the face of the planet.
I know it’s something that everyone goes through at some point, because depression is disgustingly common.
I know things will get better at some point, or at least I hope.
Right now, though, things are difficult, and I’m sorry that this has happened. I’m sorry that I’m finding it impossible to be as reliable and dependable and productive as I’d like.
Right now, I feel like I am incapable of focusing, I am restless, I am terrified, and I don’t know when it’s going to get better.
I have a very difficult time putting my life out in the open, partly because I feel like it’s no one’s business and partly because I feel like it’s not something people would care about. However, I recognize that those feelings don’t come from a great place, and that the people who do care would be deeply hurt if they knew I felt that way.
Also, as anyone who knows me would attest, my passions run high and I am always playing a game of detachment-versus-attachment, with one running towards implosion and the other towards explosion. I am terrified of putting things into the wilds of the internet that I would regret saying or doing.
However, I feel like I owe it to the people I care about to be public about this.
So, there it is. Out in the open.
I’m having a hard time, so I ask for your patience.
Silly Riven cake, made from a giant Jaffa cake in celebration of Myst’s 20th anniversary. I owe Cyan a great debt of gratitude over the years, as Myst is one of the big reasons I became an artist in the first place.Tags: #myst #riven #cyan #20th anniversary
I decided to do this tutorial just for the fun of it. Now that my MFA show is up, I have more time to practice and learn things I haven’t had time for.Tags: #art #gemstone